M Database Inspector (cheetah)
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|Tue, Feb 21 2006||100||Haunted||
Remember how we lay on the bed the other day, naked,
and someone was knocking on the door?
You said "someone is knocking", and I was silent.
In fact I turned my head just a bit,
hopefully sufficiently unnoticabley,
so you can not see the smile on my face,
that which I will have no way of conrolling
with the anticipated emerging thoughts:
She must think I am totally paranoid,
she already thinks I am crazy and that
I think I am constantly being chased.
Given that according to my own accord,
the only person important in my life is already here,
I would have no reason to invite anybody in,
and so I am probably ignoring the knock on the door
while burning on the inside,
trying to hide my fears from my loved one.
So if the turn was noticable, I got it covered.
Have you ever in your life encoutered yourself
realy hearing actual sounds such as knocks on the door
when in fact they did not occur?
Nor have I!
I have been hearing these "Knocks on the door" ever since
the first night I moved into the appartment.
They have been occuring some five to ten times in 24 hours
ever since, usually in pairs, some 30 seconds or so apart,
and sometimes singular or in trios, but never more.
That night, I simply ignored them like I always do.
I was not about to make a show of pretending someone
is really at the door.
If I were to answer you, my answer would be:
Nobody is knocking, the appartment is simply haunted.
Thinking of how your answer will not be:
Oh, now I am calm, thinking nobody is here,
and you are perfectly sane.
I was strangling my laughter.
I would have a lot to explain if I didn't.
|Wed, Feb 22 2006||100||Poker||
Women always like to play poker.
It is more polite to call it "tease".
It hides the poker-like deceit effect.
Every relationship starts with a poker game of sorts.
Hardly ever so verbal.
I remember growing up,
studying carefully the Nottenet concept.
I was hysterically implanting "The Great Gift" concept in
my fragile hormonal brain,
over long periods of frustrated solitude.
Revenge against womankind was in the holster,
and will take years of planning,
not to mention confidence-building,
to execute the revengeful plan.
My first revenge came at the age of nineteen and change.
I remember dropping forcefully and rapidly from my first
encounter with Bahad 1, knowing that The Great Gift
and the one year long poker revenge plan will be
accomplished that weekend.
I had several offers before, which I refused to my future Boss,
unwilling to accept the fact that I am not a rational animal.
I was a bit too well trained by the two great philosophers of the time.
I insisted to myself that the first one must come with love,
not quite understanding that my subconsciousness is busy
protecting me from what seemed much more important at the time :
The loss of the poker game,
the loss of the successful revenge plan,
fear of rejection.
In the long run, consciousness won:
By the time I was forty one, I had already been accepted
to the special angel forces unit.
I had to sign off all planned anger as part of the screening
We then went into training.
I think it took some three and a half years:
from age eleven to fourteen and a a half or so.
Maybe the training started when the torturer was three,
I am still not sure.
Training is still in progress,
revenge is gone since my twenties I believe,
and jitters of anger are still sifting sometimes through
the safety nets we learned so hard how to build
And so, my adolescence left me with a very peculiar skill
that will continue to evolve over time.
I am a good poker player, but only if the the stake
has the title pre-first written on it loud and clear.
In training, we erased as much as possible any desire
to play poker on anything that is dangerous.
It never occurred to me that I will actually be Invited
to just such a poker game.
I felt like a hustler, and my hormones went loose.
"You will drown in your own ocean" - I said
But this was during the game, so it was just a poker line.
In fact, it was true in every respect,
save the fact that I left the second part out:
"and I will be there to protect you".
You did hear me loud and clear, of course,
so the ocean was actually my creation.
Quod Erat Demonstrandum.
|Tue, Feb 28 2006||1000||Life Wish - Aristotles||
Can we put the gibberish and Angel speak aside
for a moment?
What is your life wish, really?
Not sure what you mean, I was just being poetic.
Very well then. Grow up.
You still need to define the goals in your life,
so you can make the right decisions,
about actions to be taken,
that will affect your life.
It is called: Philosophy.
It is a dynamic set of rules you establish during your life
that guides your decision making processes and your actions.
He then made a Socrates face, and said:
For example, why do you want to go to Tel Aviv today?
Well, because I want to be with Reggy.
Yes, but why do you want to be with her?
because I love her?
Yes, but Why do you love her?
I was building minor anger, from frustration:
You know she asked me the same question!
Lucky for you the face was just for the talk,
and my preachings are not those of Socrates.
It goes like this:
FOR EVERY CHAIN OF REASONS THERE MUST BE AN END.
This is implied by my logic - Aristotelian - the only one practical.
It means that the last question must always be left without an answer,
and this is your real goal.
"Because this is what you want" is a perfect answer,
and why you might want it is less important.
What is important, is identifying what it is that you really
want out of your life, and what it is that you do to get there.
For that second part you will need a philosophy.
I suggest the Aristotelian. There is nothing else.
He paused and made a Socrates face again,
as if that was that same nagging question.
(What is your life wish, really?)
A friend came by today and he said something very
peculiar that made me think of you and your question.
He said: "I like learning from other people's mistakes.
I mostly like learning from your (that's me) mistakes,
because you always try to be different,
like me, and most people
don't trend where you and I make mistakes."
I think what I want from my life is to know
it was meaningful in the end,
and for that I need to be different,
and for that I attach myself to esoteric people,
and for the meaning to be self convincing enough
I need the subject of my differences to be
that which concerns me the most,
and that is the fine balance between good and evil.
How can you tell if the actions you take will end up having
good or evil effect?
I want mine to be good, in a way that expresses difference.
In other words, I can't really be different,
I can just be better at it.
Like I said, you will find your own way.
As a warning, I should say:
she may have introduced us, but she is not a follower.
|Tue, Feb 28 2006||1100||Life Wish - Ayn Rand||
He is right you know, man is a rational animal,
and you, as a member of the species must think
logically in order to survive.
Protect yourself. The good you will bring on to you
will shower onto others, and they are rational
and should act the same, and their good will shower onto you.
You guys just need to define life in math formulas and solve them.
For that, we are missing two axioms, A = A, and reality exist.
The third I take from him: Man is a rational animal.
If I could explain to you why I love Reggy,
you will also fall in love with her,
if life were so logical.
I just love her, there is nothing rational about it,
and I am a man.
Je Pense, Donc Je Suis.
She brings me to life, I want to know her,
and that tells me I love her.
If you can't explain that to me,
maybe I'd better consult with Charles.