M Database Inspector (cheetah)
Not logged in. Login

schizoid - 13 Rows
Column Type #Values Column Stats
id int(11) 13 Column Stats
date date 1 Column Stats
ordinal int(11) 13 Column Stats
title varchar(64) 13 Column Stats
story text 7 Column Stats

13 rows, page 1 of 4 (4/p)
1 2 3 4

Export to Excel select * from schizoid order by ordinal limit 4 (Page 1: Row)
date
ordinal
title
story
Sat, Aug 18 2007 10 Rotten Cops Do you know why Schizophrenia is always thought of
as split personality?
Because in Latin the word means 'split'.
I, for a period of four years,
until a month before being comitted,
I was already weighing 52KG.
Full Size

I was walking to work, and thought I was smelling dead cops
rotting in black garbage bags on the street.
Full Size Full Size

And that seemed perfectly logical,
and I went to work to do some photoshop
picture for some election comittee.
Full Size

Its about conciousness.
People ask, why do you not...? you have potentail, they say.
And I laugh at heart.
Because, potential for what? its all subjective.
I mean, once you die, there is no death.
Full Size

Its all subjective.
You can sit on me and fucking put out cigarettes on my body,
and I will be on cloud 9!
Full Size Full Size

I used to sit by the dentist, read books,
mesmerising the dentist,
all kind of odd things.
Full Size

There is this thing called conciousness,
and it interprets.
Especially with the aid of the five senses, I admit.
Eyesight, hearing.
By the way, hearing is more dominant than eyesight.
Hearing starts first.
It starts with hearing, then come the pictures,
then the tastes, then the smells.
This is the order.
Full Size Full Size Full Size Full Size

My logic is like like this:
I don't remember exactly, but first my conciousness told me
that the bags have these cops in them.

[and by what means did it tell you this?]
Somthing between hearing and thought.
Full Size Full Size

It comes and jumps at you.
As it jumps, the skies, as if the sun slightly changes its angle,
and suddenly...this is what happens.
Full Size Full Size Full Size

and you have the intuition to know that even thuogh
its true, you are not interested in seeing a rotting
face of a cop, so you just ignore the bags and keep walking.
But you knew.
Full Size Full Size


And it doesn't matter,
the thought that came a minute later was just as intense:
Do you know what orgasmic joy you get
from the reward pathways in the brain
getting extra dophamine?
Do you know how good I feel.
Full Size

Do you know I can loose 10KG in a week
when I'm schizophrenic.
In a week.
I don't eat.
I walk 17 hours a day.
17 hours of every 24.
Full Size

I don't weigh myself.
I just know.
Later, when I arrive they tell me I am underweight.
At Bellevue, I arrived with 113 pounds.
Full Size

A girl with wide hips, large breasts, 113 pounds.
I was starved. For three days I hadn't eaten.
They brought me in immediately.
I was walking 17 hours a day.
What happened was that there are several paths,
like in The Gohst In The Machine.
Full Size Full Size

I have all kinds of motifs.
For example Egypt allways comes back.
First Egypt arrives, and after Egypt, God arrives.
Full Size Full Size

Egypt always returns.
What happens in Egypt is amazing sex,
amazing delerion, amazing cloths.
Especially sex.
Full Size

They know how to do sex in reactions in Egypt.
That is, you can turn your arm around three times,
and keep turning it, until it disappears.
Full Size Full Size

And there is no volume left, and no bones.
Full Size

They know how to do such things in Egypt,
and they use it for sex.
Full Size Full Size

The problem with this kind of sex,
the one who was the most respected,
opened his brain.
Full Size

[Do you have any memories of a connection to Egypt
from before you had schizophrenia?]

Yes.
I had a crush on Tutankhamun,
when I was in first grade.
Full Size

I was plowing the Hebrew Encyclopedia.
I started reading at Alef.
I don't know how from Alef I got to Tutankhamun.
But there were very nice pictures, colorful,
of his Sarcophagus,
Full Size

and he was my first crush,
after my first boyfriend.
First there was the boyfriend, Eran,
with the Diabetes.
He tried to teach me how to ride a bycicle and did not succeed.
Full Size Full Size

And then, when we got to first grade,
and he saw headlice on me,
Full Size

because my father did not allow to use headlice shampoo,
and four years I had lice, until the forth grade,
until I got some guts, and from money I had worked for,
I went and bought headlice shampoo,
as until then they were just combing me for lice,
but never put any headlice shampoo,
and he saw the lice on my forehead,
and he made a drawing of me with long fingers,
and said he can not be my boyfriend bacuase I was dirty.
Full Size

Anyway, then, in the Hebrew encyclopedia there was a picture of Tutankhamun's Sarcophagus.
He was my first crush, like a celebrity I have a crush on.
Full Size
I didn't know he had many girls having a crush on him,
but I was one of them.
Anyway, that was Egypt.
And also, there was always the Egyptian art.
There are two cultures I like in art:
Egyptian and Mesopotamian.
Full Size

In Egypt I learned two.
In each culture I learn one thing.
My associations work one, one, one, one.
In Egypt I learned there is no problem in life
that will not be solved if you fold your knees to the chest.
Full Size
This is what I learned in Egypt.
This Egyptian method.
It works perfect.
You can even just put one knee on the belly when you sleep,
you are set for life,
and you wake up in the morning, happy,
like you just had a 7 million dollar SPA.
Full Size
Sat, Aug 18 2007 20 The Pencil Test
Sat, Aug 18 2007 30 The Pencil Experience
Sat, Aug 18 2007 40 Pencil Memories