Wed Feb 22, 2006

100

Poker

Women always like to play poker.
It is more polite to call it "tease".
It hides the poker-like deceit effect.
Every relationship starts with a poker game of sorts.
Hardly ever so verbal.

I remember growing up,
studying carefully the Nottenet concept.
I was hysterically implanting "The Great Gift" concept in
my fragile hormonal brain,
over long periods of frustrated solitude.

Revenge against womankind was in the holster,
and will take years of planning,
not to mention confidence-building,
to execute the revengeful plan.

My first revenge came at the age of nineteen and change.
I remember dropping forcefully and rapidly from my first
encounter with Bahad 1, knowing that The Great Gift
and the one year long poker revenge plan will be
accomplished that weekend.

I had several offers before, which I refused to my future Boss,
unwilling to accept the fact that I am not a rational animal.
I was a bit too well trained by the two great philosophers of the time.
I insisted to myself that the first one must come with love,
not quite understanding that my subconsciousness is busy
protecting me from what seemed much more important at the time :
The loss of the poker game,
the loss of the successful revenge plan,
fear of rejection.

In the long run, consciousness won:
By the time I was forty one, I had already been accepted
to the special angel forces unit.
I had to sign off all planned anger as part of the screening
process.

We then went into training.
I think it took some three and a half years:
from age eleven to fourteen and a a half or so.
Maybe the training started when the torturer was three,
I am still not sure.

Training is still in progress,
revenge is gone since my twenties I believe,
and jitters of anger are still sifting sometimes through
the safety nets we learned so hard how to build
during training.

And so, my adolescence left me with a very peculiar skill
that will continue to evolve over time.
I am a good poker player, but only if the the stake
has the title pre-first written on it loud and clear.

In training, we erased as much as possible any desire
to play poker on anything that is dangerous.

It never occurred to me that I will actually be Invited
to just such a poker game.
I felt like a hustler, and my hormones went loose.

"You will drown in your own ocean" - I said
But this was during the game, so it was just a poker line.
In fact, it was true in every respect,
save the fact that I left the second part out:
"and I will be there to protect you".

You did hear me loud and clear, of course,
so the ocean was actually my creation.

Titpa....

Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

Tue Feb 28, 2006

1200

Life Wish - Darwin

So why do I want to know her, when up until we met
I did not want to know anybody for some time?
If everybody is busy trying to reproduce,
how come I didn't for that long?

You are watching too many Hollywood nature movies.
Those education salesmen never understood me.
Not everybody is trying to reproduce all the time.
Did you know that whales marry for life,
the act of marriage being a single acquaintance?
Once mated, they will never leave each other,
and may stay in celibacy for life if chance so commands.
Man is an animal, and this is where the foundation of
your psychology comes from.
It only seems distinct because it has evolved
by necessity with the evolution of the brain.
The new complex thought processes demanded
a complex set of psychological systems.
It should have taken many millions of years.
As luck may have it, you only had two million years.
After that the brain was sufficiently powerful
to rule the planet, extinction ceased, and with it,
Evolution.
For the last 100,000 years or so, you have been neglecting
your brain to chance, not letting me do any work on it.
In order for the brain to have kept evolving,
Nature would have to kill many many people as they
grow up, and selectively leave alive those with better
brains. This happened over a period of two million
years or so, and was perfected As Needed,
for the next 100,000 years or so,
where humanity was a collection of tribes,
totaling about 10,000 individuals in all,
throughout the planet.
After that, In the last 12,000 years or so,
you have been total zombies as far as evolution
is concerned, busy reproducing aimlessly,
as all my successful species have done before you,
and have been very slowly ruining your brains,
waiting for the resurrecting Mad Max phase to come.
You didn't even manage to get yourself totally
addicted to toilet paper.
May God bless Buddha for that one.


What all this means is that the human brain is frozen
in the midst of evolving, just like the hands of
the Orangutan,
while the Orangutans are becoming lonelier,
improving their hands in some last futile attempts to survive.
Variance of the brain is very high,
and very much more so in the structures of its psychology,
which evolved in tandem as a side effect and so express
a latency of quite a few well needed generations.


You love the biblical know-how, because you must.
So did the germs from which you have sprouted.
They called it eating. Ever wonder why Freud?

You stopped wanting to because
you have an oversized brain
with this new invention called a conscience,
and some older inventions called mental problems.
These act on your frontal lobes and stop you from acting.
Animals have them too, only not nearly as improved.
You and Reggy have been busy convincing each other
that Ayn Rand was right and you need to have a really
good and sound logical reason to do it.
In fact you are nuts, you did all the brainwashing on your own,
but the animal instincts are strong,
and it forces the Ayn Rand logic to fail miserably,
when opportunity knocks.
You knew each other once, fell in love just like the whales,
and you want to know only her, just like the whales,
and all the time, just like the chimpanzees.


Ayn was simply wrong, copying from Aristotle the one thing
he was wrong about
"Man Is A Rational Animal"- Not.


Man is just an animal,
with some added qualities frozen in the midst of evolving.


Sigmound is much more dangerous.
He is right most of the time,
and is almost always wrong, scientifically.
It is easier to listen to him if you assume a-priori that
he speaks in metaphors, just like you often do.